As Long as I'm Living my Baby you'll be!!

This post goes in conjunction with the last post.  Listening to Taylor Swifts song Ronan has made me think a whole lot about my amazing Baby Bear.  I truly am blessed to have such a beautiful baby bear.

   I know lately I have been down in the dumps. But I really am trying so hard to keep going and find happiness in the smallest of places. And what better small place to find joy and happiness than my itty bitty little baby bear?!!

I fought for 10 years for my Bear. And now I have him.. = JOY!

His laugh is so wonderful and contagious... =JOY!

His smile can lift your spirits...... =JOY!!

He is trying so hard to learn new words, and is doing so well....=JOY!!

He blows me KISSES....... =ULTIMATE JOY!!

I get hugs and kisses on demand..... =Happy Happy JOY JOY!

Everyone who meets him says he is so sweet and cute...... = Fills my heart with Love and JOY!


So there are just a few little things to bring my spirits up that I can focus on.

        
           I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.


XoXo-Mama Bear

Sporting his new Harry Potter Glasses.

Say CHEESE!

A Bear and his Animal!

Yummy Dinner

A Bear and his bestest BUD!

I don't think our clothes fit... lol

Our first merry go round ride

Best Friends taking a little nappy nap

Silly boy!

Little Surfer Boy!

My sweet little Baby Bear after his bath!

I Love you to the Moon and Back

Many of you might have seen the video that has been circulating lately about the song Taylor Swift wrote about a little boy with cancer. It is a great song, and is so beautiful. I listened to it and even though I am a huge booboo baby I didn't cry. But this evening my friend posted a link of a news story telling who the song was about.  The entire time I watched all I could see was my little Baby Bear and I was filled with all the warm fuzzy feelings of how much I love that little man.

So here is the beautiful song:

I am so in love with this song.  It really makes me so thankful every day for my little man. And tonight it made me think a lot about how even though life has been pretty rough lately.....but my Baby Bear is so beautiful and amazing. And even though doctors cannot find out what is going on with my little guy...he is still the most wonderful thing in the world to me.



XoXo-Mama Bear

Nothing New

Well not much has changed as of late.  I will say that I did get a promotion with Scentsy!! I am proud to say that I am now a Lead Consultant!! Wooohooo  I am hoping to achieve Director by next year, but who knows what will be going on by then.

Baby Bear still isn't doing well. He is officially listed as a Failure to Thrive baby. It is hard to not take that as a personal parent fail. He is 19 months and and 17 lbs. and 10 ounces. ;0( He is still 0% and 0%.  Trying to get him to eat lately is a fight. He just doespsn't want to eat. And we offer him everything. We are advised from his doctors and I do mean Plural.....(pediatrician, nutritionist, Occupational therapist, speech therapist, gastrinoltologist (sp?), pediatric genetasis(sp?)) to feed him fatty foods like fried, and things full of butter and oil. We have done that and get no results. We try feeding him healthy stuff and get the same results. ughhh It is pretty frustrating.  He just isn't interested in food! Like today so far he had a few crackers, and some milk. But I cannot get him to actually EAT and it is 5 p.m. ;0( Hopefully one of these days he will take an interest in food before we have to put a feeding tube in him. I am starting to get worried about him. ;0(

I was getting sick of him waking up all through the night and not going back to sleep when we put him back in his crib. He will fall asleep in my arms but the second he touches the crib bed he wakes up. ughhh So we took apart the awesome captains bed and threw the full size bed on the floor. He now sleeps in a big boy bed and loves it. Now he doesn't sleep through the night still and it is taking a toll on this worn out Mama Bear....But he sleeps a little better now that he is in a big boy bed. lol I think.   At least it is easier t get him in his bed instead of feeling like we are dumping over the edge of te crib into the bottom. lol

Papa Bear and I want to come home for Christmas this year, but we aren't sure as well. The only reason I don't want to is I don't want my mother-in-law touching my son. But I think this is going to be yet another battle I will not win. But I have to admit the thought of her touching or even kissing my bear makes my skin crawl.   Sigh!!

Thank goodness the weather is starting to cool down a little. It is still insanely humid and that is gross but at least the heat is starting to drop. I still run the a/c because of the humidity but other than that it's nice.

Baby Bear has been going to speech Therapy twice a week. and it is funny. He does not have a problem communicating.....he just doesn't want to speak. He surprises his teacher by communicating with her just fine but doesn't want to talk. lol His last session he would not talk the entire time until the very last minute. lol It can be a bit frustrating. I wish I could help my bear a little.


I started to do Vending at the Oceanside Swap Meet. And after 2 days, a really nice sunburn, having to deal with stupid Military wives who like to cause drama.... I spent $112 for that weekend with fees, gas, and some water. I sold $100 worth of stock, and so came out upside down. I handed out almost 75 catalogs, and flyer's all with my information on it. I have not received even one phone call yet. And to top it off I had to deal with immature wives trying to start she said type of fights. I do not have the energy or the heart for that crap so I asked to be removed. I know it pissed off the main girl. But after everything she had the nerve to accuse me of crap due to gossip. My heart can't take it. I considered her a real friend. But a friend doesn't treat you like that. If they have a problem or a question they come to you not accuse you of something.  So I am now done with that. I am looking to vend at other events. And the fact I don't speak Spanish made it really hard to sell at the swap meet because it consisted primarily of Hispanics. And I know very little Spanish.  So that's done...Hopefully a better opportunity will arise soon.

Well that is all for now. I know nothing really exciting is going on. Just the usual craptastic life. lol

XoXo-Mama Bear

August's Sunday Shenanigans

1-I LOVE That you love your  rocking Motor Cycle

2-I LOVE how cute you are in your church clothes

3-I LOVE that you are obsessed with driving the truck

4-I LOVE how much fun we have playing together

5-I LOVE how you adore animals

XoXo-Mama Bear

The Big Un-Friending!!

I really wanted to blog about a certain person. But I don't want to sound like a brat. But I will say this....I am so hurt by people's actions.

As of lately or rather this entire year has been........ I think I can say by far the worst I have ever had. And if you know me, and the craptastic things that I have endured in my life...this is really saying a lot.

It started with my best friend betraying me in the worst sort of way. And that has cut me down to nothing. I feel like the ugliest piece of crap. (and being referred to as a Him three times this week hasn't helped any)

And so over the last few months my self esteem has completely left me.  I have never felt so alone in my life. And yet my sweet little Baby Bear has kept me afloat somehow.

I have really tried to keep myself going and work hard at my Scentsy Business. The other day I posted something I thought was funny on my FaceBook page.

This is the exact picture I posted.  And here is the exact thing I said to go with the picture:

are you ready for it?

A car with an 80's side ponytail! Lol

I thought it was insanely funny. But things that I find funny......a lot of other people....don't.

so this wasn't inappropriate. But sometimes I don't have a filter, and you know that little voice that stops you from saying stupid things? Yah I don't have one. Mine got lost in the mail or something.
But when I said that car looked like a ditsy girl with an 80's side ponytail Papa Bear busted out laughing. I was pretty pleased with myself that I actually came up with something funny all by me onesies. So I hurried and snapped a photo before we passed the car. I was so dang pleased with myself that  posted it on facebook hoping my friends would see it and fall down on the ground laughing in hysterical fits. Okay so that is a little much. I was maybe hoping one person might snort while drinking some milk and the milk would run out their nose.  (It's never happened to me, but a certain person I refer to as k.k. has experienced it on a few occasions. lol) And I was hoping that maybe a few people might get a little giggle out of it.

     Well it caused problems. One person said one thing, and another person said another.....and soon people were fighting on the thread.  When I woke up the next morning Papa Bear said quite the controversy was going on over that picture. What is left of my heart sank to the bottom of my skeletal stomach, fell through my pelvis, slid down my leg, pooled in my heel, dribbled down and settled in my big toe. I started having fears of the whole Nurse-In fiasco.
   Luckily it wasn't nearly that bad. But what hurt is that people I consider friends were attacking each other. 2 of the 3 knew each other. And it was like no one cared that they were verbally going off on someone I cared about. On my FB page.  The argument happened between two people. And then someone  really respect, and think highly of chimed in and told everyone to chill the heck out. I was grateful they had done so. I added my two bits of info at the end...Here is what I said:
               Holy Crap People! I was merely saying the car looks like it has a ditsy (sp?) 80's side ponytail. I don't like the look of the car, and know nothing about it's actual performance. I DON'T CAR ABOUT THE CAR! Please people take into account who the people are to me you are arguing with. And please no one else comment on this. I took the picture merely as a ha ha moment and that is all.

That thank goodness ended the drama. Or so I had thought. FB notified me that friend A was talking to friend B.  Dread instantly filled me. As I clicked on the thread I saw friend A and B going on about what had happened. I was devastated and surprised that friend A would sink to that level. I left a simple comment.  "You know I can see this Right?!"  Well I got unfriended over the whole thing. I am so confused. I don't understand. How is it that all of this crap drama happened from one little picture that was supposed to be silly and make people laugh?


I have to say my heart and soul cannot take much more. I know this is a mild thing. But when it is added to the BAJILLION other things that have happened to me as of lately..... just feel like I keep getting crushed over and over and over. I feel like the fat kid being teased at school and everyone is throwing rocks at me.  When you feel like your friends really aren't your friends...they just tolerate you because of your husband.....treat you like they are superior....or just treat you badly. It is really painful when you lose one who you had held pretty high on a pedestal.

   Lately I can feel myself turning cold towards everything....or rather just being a real Bitch. I am sorry friends. I am not in the greatest of places.

My heart aches. I am sooo over this year, and this life!

XoXo-Mama Bear

Bobbing Along!!

Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea!

Oh what a funk I am in!  I have been keeping busy, and trying to survive life in general. I recently returned from 4 days in Vegas without my boys. Let me tell you seeing babies everywhere while missing your own is a killer. I really had to restrain myself a few times from snatching up someones baby a few times just so I could give them hugs!! ;-/

But 4 days away to just relax a little was fun. I went to the Scentsy Convention. It was pretty fun. And a lot bigger than I thought it would be. It was wild to think that all 11,000 people were Scentsy consultants. I got a lot of free stuff like a free purse, jewelry, clutch, and accessories from the new line Scentsy just launched called Grace Adele. Free items from the new fall/winter line for Scentsy, and of course free Velata!! I also had about $120 saved to shop in the Scentsy store and get some awesome stuff for my business. I helped someone out and got a free rolling bag, and the best part of the trip........the first night out I took myself on a hot date to see Phantom of the Opera! It was so amazing!!! The only bad part was I decided to wear silky nylons, and they kept schooching down lol, I was an idiot and wore heels, and the cab ride cost $30 to go 1.8 miles!! ouch!!

I bought a tiny souvenir pin, and a picture. I got all dressed up, and had the best night out. I did have someone call me a dike, but I was having such a great time I didn't care what their problem was. The music was amazing, the stage awesome, and it was so magical!! I sat in Orchestra seating, and unfortunately had the largest two people ever in front  of me that blocked out the stage...but it's all good. It was still a magical experience for me.

I wanted to be able to do all the things I wanted so, I didn't go out to eat. If I could have cut it out completely  I would have. But I made Oatmeal with the coffee maker, and snacked on fruit bars all week. When I met my director she took a few of us out for lunch one day and I got to eat at P.F.Changs for the 1st. Time. It was really yummy!!

The girls I was staying with had a real problem with me at the end. I wasn't going out to party with them and play on the strip. I wasn't going out to eat with them, and  wasn't hanging out with them. So they got a little nasty with me, and wouldn't let me sit with them at the Colbie Callaitt concert. Let me tell you my whole world was crushed! lol NOT!   I went to Vegas with the sole intention of relaxing. I desperately needed some me time, recharge my batteries, and just have a calm couple of days. I have been to Vegas a dozen times. It is not new and exciting to me. I have seen a lot of the sites. I didn't care to go out sight seeing. I wanted to just relax, sleep, and do things that I wanted to do. Plus I do enough babysitting during my everyday life....I don't care to do it when I am on MY vacation. And 3 of them were all part of the same team, I am not on their team. I didn't want to intrude on their fun friend time. I would just be the third wheel the entire time. So I was fine relaxing in the hotel room, taking a hot bath, resting, and doing whole bunches of nothing. Apparently that rubbed them the wrong way. Oh well. They were all super young and I just am so sick of caring what other people think.
But all in all it was a good trip. I didn't get near enough training as I had wanted, but it's all good.

So lately I have been doing a lot of thinking. I am not happy at all, and am really miserable. I can tell that my stress and anxiety with life is also affecting baby bear. So I have really been putting in the effort to try and make myself happier. I am not quite sure how to do that yet. But it is a work in progress.

Well that is all for now.

XoXo-Mama Bear!

July's Sunday Shenanigans

1-I LOVE That I got to take you to see the fireworks for the 1st. time

2-I LOVE taking you to the beach

3-I LOVE how you have to have one of your Hot Wheels in your hand to be able to go to sleep

4-I LOVE that you are saying Mama more often

5-I'll LOVE you Forever, I'll Like you for Always, as long as I'm living my Baby you'll be.

XoXo-Mama Bear