Recently a friend of mine confided in me what she has been going through. Her life seems to be falling apart around her and no matter what she does....she can't seem to stop it. I asked if I could blog about this subject of hers and she gave me her blessing.
My friend has been married for a long time. And I mean a long time. She has kids, and a sturdy belief in her faith. She isn't rich, she isn't poor, but she lives a comfortable life. Her husband I do not know that well. I have only met him once. He didn't have a great childhood, but has come a long ways from what he grew up with.
So after a particularly stressful week recently he dropped a bomb on her. He asked if they could talk, and then out of no where just dropped a bomb on her that he has been lying to her most of their marriage. He has an addiction that he is getting help with. She isn't concerned about that part. Sure she is disappointed in him. But it is something that many people are snared by, and isn't a huge deal. The part that she is having trouble with is the fact that he lies. He has made such a habit out of it that how is she supposed to know when he is or isn't? This has been eating her up inside and is slowly destroying her. I told her I love her, but am not sure what the right words for her are.
It is so hurtful for a person you are supposed to love and trust, betray you in such a way. He is the type that isn't really sweet and loving towards her. He is the harsh mans man type, and so does not often show affection. So over the years she has tried to learn how to get by without that. But now to have this on top of everything has sent her over the edge. I am afraid she isn't wanting to eat, shower, or take care of herself. I think she is doing the bare minimum to take care of her children but that is all.
She told me she feels so empty inside now. Not only does he now show her affection, but he has lied to her about lying when she has asked him about it in the past. And he would look her in the eye and reassure her that all was fine. And now come to find out that it was all just another lie. She isn't sure if she should keep fighting for her marriage to work, but if she should just throw in the towel. She has gone to counseling before, but he refuses to participate stating he does not believe in it. She has next to no one to talk to, and I live hundreds of miles from her.
So I am asking each of my readers to please leave some advice and your thoughts here. Please be kind and loving. She knows about this post, and is looking for any thoughts that you might have. She says she feels in limbo and is not sure which way to go now. So please help her in any way you can.