February 29, 2012

The Lying Game

Recently a friend of mine confided in me what she has been going through. Her life seems to be falling apart around her and no matter what she does....she can't seem to stop it. I asked if I could blog about this subject of hers and she gave me her blessing.

   My friend has been married for a long time. And I mean a long time. She has kids, and a sturdy belief in her faith. She isn't rich, she isn't poor, but she lives a comfortable life. Her husband I do not know that well. I have only met him once. He didn't have a great childhood, but has come a long ways from what he grew up with. 

So after a particularly stressful week recently he dropped a bomb on her. He asked if they could talk, and then out of no where just dropped a bomb on her that he has been lying to her most of their marriage. He has an addiction that he is getting help with. She isn't concerned about that part. Sure she is disappointed in him. But it is something that many people are snared by, and isn't a huge deal. The part that she is having trouble with is the fact that he lies. He has made such a habit out of it that how is she supposed to know when he is or isn't? This has been eating her up inside and is slowly destroying her. I told her I love her, but am not sure what the right words for her are.

   It is so hurtful for a person you are supposed to love and trust, betray you in such a way. He is the type that isn't really sweet and loving towards her. He is the harsh mans man type, and so does not often show affection. So over the years she has tried to learn how to get by without that. But now to have this on top of everything has sent her over the edge.  I am afraid she isn't wanting to eat, shower, or take care of herself. I think she is doing the bare minimum to take care of her children but that is all.

    She told me she feels so empty inside now. Not only does he now show her affection, but he has lied to her about lying when she has asked him about it in the past. And he would look her in the eye and  reassure her that all was fine. And now come to find out that it was all just another lie.  She isn't sure if she should keep fighting for her marriage to work, but if she should just throw in the towel. She has gone to counseling before, but he refuses to participate stating he does not believe in it. She has next to no one to talk to, and I live hundreds of miles from her.

So I am asking each of my readers to please leave some advice and your thoughts here. Please be kind and loving. She knows about this post, and is looking for any thoughts that you might have. She says she feels in limbo and is not sure which way to go now. So please help her in any way you can.

XoXo-Mama Bear

February 3, 2012

Bullies. “their not even human” ...part 2

So  a little while ago I re posted a post from a blogger whom I enjoy reading from. You can find it here : Bullies. “their not even human”  I just received a comment on that post today.  I was a little taken aback by it as it was rude. So  Here is my response to this anonymous person:
First I would like to point out that I did not write this. I enjoy reading the posts of this particular blogger......even if I do or do not agree with him. He writes well.

On this particular issue......I do agree.....that we need to hold ourselves to a higher standard than the person who bullied us. I as a child was picked on and bullied. And the one person who really made my life miserable in school....I have now made amends with him and we are friends. I do not think that the author is saying go hug a bully..... But instead have compassion for someone who apparently is so hurt inside that they feel the only way to feel good about themselves is to tear another person down.
Does it hurt to be bullied?...Yes....But I feel bad for those who can't find it anywhere in their hearts to be kind. That must be a sad sad life they live in.

Now to address your comment......

Are you kidding? Instead of commenting in an adult way even if you disagree....you chose to call me names. You are worse in my opinion....You hold yourself up on a pedestal acting like you are superior while sneering down your nose at another person judging them without even trying to know that person. You my friend are worse than the average bully.

If you take a religious point of view....what about Love Thy Neighbor? Or what about just being kind to people in general?

I think that I have endured some of the worst bullying that there is. I endured name calling, physical pain, emotional pain, and more. I even forgave someone who did the worst most unforgivable thing to me. But I tried my hardest to forgive so I could move on. It took me 8 years. 8 years of being frightened, and scared all the time.... But I do not hold a grudge.I do not know why he did that to me. But I can't hold on to those feelings. I met him, asked him why, and asked for an apology. I let him and his nastiness go after that. I may have harsh feelings sometimes....But that is something that I try to work on all the time. I try to better myself by forgiving and moving on. A person who holds onto hate.....can never move on in life.

I do not love bullies, but I do not hate another person. Hatred is your right, as you so clearly show without educating yourself on the situation first.

Thank you for commenting, Next time I ask that even if you disagree with what I say, You can be mature enough to answer without name calling...for that is a slippery slope to becoming a bully yourself.