August 31, 2012

August's Sunday Shenanigans

1-I LOVE That you love your  rocking Motor Cycle

2-I LOVE how cute you are in your church clothes

3-I LOVE that you are obsessed with driving the truck

4-I LOVE how much fun we have playing together

5-I LOVE how you adore animals

XoXo-Mama Bear

August 21, 2012

The Big Un-Friending!!

I really wanted to blog about a certain person. But I don't want to sound like a brat. But I will say this....I am so hurt by people's actions.

As of lately or rather this entire year has been........ I think I can say by far the worst I have ever had. And if you know me, and the craptastic things that I have endured in my life...this is really saying a lot.

It started with my best friend betraying me in the worst sort of way. And that has cut me down to nothing. I feel like the ugliest piece of crap. (and being referred to as a Him three times this week hasn't helped any)

And so over the last few months my self esteem has completely left me.  I have never felt so alone in my life. And yet my sweet little Baby Bear has kept me afloat somehow.

I have really tried to keep myself going and work hard at my Scentsy Business. The other day I posted something I thought was funny on my FaceBook page.
This is the exact picture I posted.  And here is the exact thing I said to go with the picture:
are you ready for it?

A car with an 80's side ponytail! Lol

I thought it was insanely funny. But things that I find funny......a lot of other people....don't.
so this wasn't inappropriate. But sometimes I don't have a filter, and you know that little voice that stops you from saying stupid things? Yah I don't have one. Mine got lost in the mail or something.
But when I said that car looked like a ditsy girl with an 80's side ponytail Papa Bear busted out laughing. I was pretty pleased with myself that I actually came up with something funny all by me onesies. So I hurried and snapped a photo before we passed the car. I was so dang pleased with myself that  posted it on facebook hoping my friends would see it and fall down on the ground laughing in hysterical fits. Okay so that is a little much. I was maybe hoping one person might snort while drinking some milk and the milk would run out their nose.  (It's never happened to me, but a certain person I refer to as k.k. has experienced it on a few occasions. lol) And I was hoping that maybe a few people might get a little giggle out of it.

     Well it caused problems. One person said one thing, and another person said another.....and soon people were fighting on the thread.  When I woke up the next morning Papa Bear said quite the controversy was going on over that picture. What is left of my heart sank to the bottom of my skeletal stomach, fell through my pelvis, slid down my leg, pooled in my heel, dribbled down and settled in my big toe. I started having fears of the whole Nurse-In fiasco.
   Luckily it wasn't nearly that bad. But what hurt is that people I consider friends were attacking each other. 2 of the 3 knew each other. And it was like no one cared that they were verbally going off on someone I cared about. On my FB page.  The argument happened between two people. And then someone  really respect, and think highly of chimed in and told everyone to chill the heck out. I was grateful they had done so. I added my two bits of info at the end...Here is what I said:
               Holy Crap People! I was merely saying the car looks like it has a ditsy (sp?) 80's side ponytail. I don't like the look of the car, and know nothing about it's actual performance. I DON'T CAR ABOUT THE CAR! Please people take into account who the people are to me you are arguing with. And please no one else comment on this. I took the picture merely as a ha ha moment and that is all.

That thank goodness ended the drama. Or so I had thought. FB notified me that friend A was talking to friend B.  Dread instantly filled me. As I clicked on the thread I saw friend A and B going on about what had happened. I was devastated and surprised that friend A would sink to that level. I left a simple comment.  "You know I can see this Right?!"  Well I got unfriended over the whole thing. I am so confused. I don't understand. How is it that all of this crap drama happened from one little picture that was supposed to be silly and make people laugh?

I have to say my heart and soul cannot take much more. I know this is a mild thing. But when it is added to the BAJILLION other things that have happened to me as of lately..... just feel like I keep getting crushed over and over and over. I feel like the fat kid being teased at school and everyone is throwing rocks at me.  When you feel like your friends really aren't your friends...they just tolerate you because of your husband.....treat you like they are superior....or just treat you badly. It is really painful when you lose one who you had held pretty high on a pedestal.

   Lately I can feel myself turning cold towards everything....or rather just being a real Bitch. I am sorry friends. I am not in the greatest of places.

My heart aches. I am sooo over this year, and this life!

XoXo-Mama Bear

August 7, 2012

Bobbing Along!!

Bobbing along on the bottom of the beautiful briny sea!

Oh what a funk I am in!  I have been keeping busy, and trying to survive life in general. I recently returned from 4 days in Vegas without my boys. Let me tell you seeing babies everywhere while missing your own is a killer. I really had to restrain myself a few times from snatching up someones baby a few times just so I could give them hugs!! ;-/

But 4 days away to just relax a little was fun. I went to the Scentsy Convention. It was pretty fun. And a lot bigger than I thought it would be. It was wild to think that all 11,000 people were Scentsy consultants. I got a lot of free stuff like a free purse, jewelry, clutch, and accessories from the new line Scentsy just launched called Grace Adele. Free items from the new fall/winter line for Scentsy, and of course free Velata!! I also had about $120 saved to shop in the Scentsy store and get some awesome stuff for my business. I helped someone out and got a free rolling bag, and the best part of the trip........the first night out I took myself on a hot date to see Phantom of the Opera! It was so amazing!!! The only bad part was I decided to wear silky nylons, and they kept schooching down lol, I was an idiot and wore heels, and the cab ride cost $30 to go 1.8 miles!! ouch!!

I bought a tiny souvenir pin, and a picture. I got all dressed up, and had the best night out. I did have someone call me a dike, but I was having such a great time I didn't care what their problem was. The music was amazing, the stage awesome, and it was so magical!! I sat in Orchestra seating, and unfortunately had the largest two people ever in front  of me that blocked out the stage...but it's all good. It was still a magical experience for me.

I wanted to be able to do all the things I wanted so, I didn't go out to eat. If I could have cut it out completely  I would have. But I made Oatmeal with the coffee maker, and snacked on fruit bars all week. When I met my director she took a few of us out for lunch one day and I got to eat at P.F.Changs for the 1st. Time. It was really yummy!!

The girls I was staying with had a real problem with me at the end. I wasn't going out to party with them and play on the strip. I wasn't going out to eat with them, and  wasn't hanging out with them. So they got a little nasty with me, and wouldn't let me sit with them at the Colbie Callaitt concert. Let me tell you my whole world was crushed! lol NOT!   I went to Vegas with the sole intention of relaxing. I desperately needed some me time, recharge my batteries, and just have a calm couple of days. I have been to Vegas a dozen times. It is not new and exciting to me. I have seen a lot of the sites. I didn't care to go out sight seeing. I wanted to just relax, sleep, and do things that I wanted to do. Plus I do enough babysitting during my everyday life....I don't care to do it when I am on MY vacation. And 3 of them were all part of the same team, I am not on their team. I didn't want to intrude on their fun friend time. I would just be the third wheel the entire time. So I was fine relaxing in the hotel room, taking a hot bath, resting, and doing whole bunches of nothing. Apparently that rubbed them the wrong way. Oh well. They were all super young and I just am so sick of caring what other people think.
But all in all it was a good trip. I didn't get near enough training as I had wanted, but it's all good.

So lately I have been doing a lot of thinking. I am not happy at all, and am really miserable. I can tell that my stress and anxiety with life is also affecting baby bear. So I have really been putting in the effort to try and make myself happier. I am not quite sure how to do that yet. But it is a work in progress.

Well that is all for now.

XoXo-Mama Bear!