As of lately or rather this entire year has been........ I think I can say by far the worst I have ever had. And if you know me, and the craptastic things that I have endured in my life...this is really saying a lot.
It started with my best friend betraying me in the worst sort of way. And that has cut me down to nothing. I feel like the ugliest piece of crap. (and being referred to as a Him three times this week hasn't helped any)
And so over the last few months my self esteem has completely left me. I have never felt so alone in my life. And yet my sweet little Baby Bear has kept me afloat somehow.
I have really tried to keep myself going and work hard at my Scentsy Business. The other day I posted something I thought was funny on my FaceBook page.
This is the exact picture I posted. And here is the exact thing I said to go with the picture:
are you ready for it?
A car with an 80's side ponytail! Lol
I thought it was insanely funny. But things that I find funny......a lot of other people....don't.
But when I said that car looked like a ditsy girl with an 80's side ponytail Papa Bear busted out laughing. I was pretty pleased with myself that I actually came up with something funny all by me onesies. So I hurried and snapped a photo before we passed the car. I was so dang pleased with myself that posted it on facebook hoping my friends would see it and fall down on the ground laughing in hysterical fits. Okay so that is a little much. I was maybe hoping one person might snort while drinking some milk and the milk would run out their nose. (It's never happened to me, but a certain person I refer to as k.k. has experienced it on a few occasions. lol) And I was hoping that maybe a few people might get a little giggle out of it.
Well it caused problems. One person said one thing, and another person said another.....and soon people were fighting on the thread. When I woke up the next morning Papa Bear said quite the controversy was going on over that picture. What is left of my heart sank to the bottom of my skeletal stomach, fell through my pelvis, slid down my leg, pooled in my heel, dribbled down and settled in my big toe. I started having fears of the whole Nurse-In fiasco.
Luckily it wasn't nearly that bad. But what hurt is that people I consider friends were attacking each other. 2 of the 3 knew each other. And it was like no one cared that they were verbally going off on someone I cared about. On my FB page. The argument happened between two people. And then someone really respect, and think highly of chimed in and told everyone to chill the heck out. I was grateful they had done so. I added my two bits of info at the end...Here is what I said:
Holy Crap People! I was merely saying the car looks like it has a ditsy (sp?) 80's side ponytail. I don't like the look of the car, and know nothing about it's actual performance. I DON'T CAR ABOUT THE CAR! Please people take into account who the people are to me you are arguing with. And please no one else comment on this. I took the picture merely as a ha ha moment and that is all.
That thank goodness ended the drama. Or so I had thought. FB notified me that friend A was talking to friend B. Dread instantly filled me. As I clicked on the thread I saw friend A and B going on about what had happened. I was devastated and surprised that friend A would sink to that level. I left a simple comment. "You know I can see this Right?!" Well I got unfriended over the whole thing. I am so confused. I don't understand. How is it that all of this crap drama happened from one little picture that was supposed to be silly and make people laugh?
I have to say my heart and soul cannot take much more. I know this is a mild thing. But when it is added to the BAJILLION other things that have happened to me as of lately..... just feel like I keep getting crushed over and over and over. I feel like the fat kid being teased at school and everyone is throwing rocks at me. When you feel like your friends really aren't your friends...they just tolerate you because of your husband.....treat you like they are superior....or just treat you badly. It is really painful when you lose one who you had held pretty high on a pedestal.
Lately I can feel myself turning cold towards everything....or rather just being a real Bitch. I am sorry friends. I am not in the greatest of places.
My heart aches. I am sooo over this year, and this life!
XoXo-Mama Bear
I know I haven't spoken or seen you in years, but I need to share some stuff with you. I read your cute comment about the car and giggled a little. Then I read the comments and couldn't believe how immature the people were being! My first thought was that you needed to clean up your friend list! I feel bad that you have friends who don't respect others more than that. I have been through a lot of heartache in my life as well. I have lost both my parents to cancer at a young age. I am so sorry to hear you have had a terrible year. I do know that you have a loving Father in Heaven who knows what you are going through. He is there for you more than any other friend ever could be. Turn to Him in your darkest times and know He will never leave you alone. Some friends come and go, and that is part of life. Those friends that are worth having are the ones who stand by you, show love and respect and don't want to cause you pain. Try to see the wonderful blessings in your life and know that there are people who love and care for you....even some who haven't seen you since 6th grade! Prayers are going your way today!
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