October 25, 2011

A Military Man's Promise

I cannot promise you every night of my life. I
cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, and
every hardship. In truth, I can promise you that I will not be with you for
most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. Any special date to us may be
tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you
to take over what...ever life we have built together for months and years at
a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat,
your tears and your heartache to keep together, and try to take it back as I
knew it before.I will shut you out at times because it will be the best
way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell
you I don't know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going,
when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months
and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won't answer.
You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need.I
will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will
know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some
things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I
may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else.It
will seem that someone -or something - will always take precedence over
you.I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in
the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will
be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take
off.I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention
while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will
knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again -and again. I cannot promise
you all of me. I cannot promise you much of anything.But if you will
have me, I can promise that as I march away from you, it is not without sharing
your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be
breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you.
Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial, I will be wanting to
do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every
fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in
everything -every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you.
I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. And I will
carry you with me in everything, until my sandy boots once again sit just inside
our door.

-Written by: Megan Williams

XoXo-Andrea Carla

October 20, 2011

The Fight from within

Well I am a little sad this evening. I did not get to go to my first Weight Watchers meeting due to Papa Bear forgetting and so he didn't come home until my meeting had already started. Maybe next week.
XoXo-Andrea Carla

October 18, 2011

A brush with DEATH!

Today Baby Bear visited the ER for the first time. I knew he was all right, but we wanted to be safe not sorry.....so we took him in to have his dome checked out.
At 10 a.m. I finally got to sit down to pump. I hooked it all up flipped the switch, and nothing happened. Ughhhhhh I forgot the membranes. So I unhooked, walked into the kitchen and heard a crash....and Baby bear started screaming. I ran back into the room and was surprised to see that baby bear had pulled the pump off of the couch, and was now laying on the floor with it crying. I scooped him up in my arms and rocked him. His head was already turning purple. I am not sure how he pulled that thing down as it outweighs him by a lot. But he managed it. I do not know if it fell on him, or if he pulled it down and fell on it. But he was hurting. I felt awful. My poor little man!! He was crying and crying, and it was a different cry than I have ever heard. I called Papa Bear and he called the pediatrician. They said any type of head trauma should be checked out and to come into the ER. So Papa Bear drove home as fast as he could, and made it in half an hour. Baby Bear was in his swing looking like one sad little bear. I got us all ready with some snacks, diapers, and both of us dressed. We jumped into the truck and drove as fast as we could to the Naval Hospital on Camp Pendleton. They took Baby Bear in right away and checked him out. He had a real goose egg on his head, and two large marks that were very red. They took his vitals and Papa Bear held onto him the entire time, and I hovered. They decided it was best to do an MRI on baby bear and make sure everything inside was all right. We tried to get him to take a bottle and go to sleep...but that wasn't going to happen. So the next plan was to wing it. If that didn't work then we were going to have to give him Benadryl to calm him. They opened up the room instantly for us and we went in. They wrapped him up like a little burrito. Papa Bear had to hold his head still and we both wore the stylish jackets to keep the radiation from getting us. I stood on the back side of the machine, and Papa Bear stood right next to him holding him.

I sang Itsty Bitsy Spider to baby bear which seems to be the only song that calms our little man. Then the nurses came out and removed the board that was holding him as it had metal screws and were messing up the images. So this time I came to the other side of him and sang while rubbing his feet which is a comfort thing for him. I looked back at the nurses and they gave us the thumbs up. The machine started spinning, and gave out it's loud humming sound. My poor bear cried for a bit, so I sang louder and he stopped. The machine tilted and turned as it took images of him. And then we were given the okay to take him out. I threw off the heavy blanket, and scooped him up. I just wanted to hold him close and make it all better. But I couldn't hold him close enough without squishing him. ;0(

We went back into the ER where a newbie nurse came to take his vitals. He held out the arm band that would take his blood pressure, and it was the smallest little thing. Then he wanted his heart rate and I told him he needed the sticker that goes on his toes, but they guy was determined that he could get it with the finger clamp. I laughed to myself as it kept falling off and I felt like saying....see...told ya. Then he wanted to take baby bears temperature.....He held out the thermometer to go under his tongue, and again I told him that he needed the the head scanner. But he stuck the needle point into baby bears mouth thinking he would get something. It didn't work. surprise surprise!!! lol about 15 minutes later the nurse was back apologizing with his supervisor saying he did it wrong. I laughed and told him not to worry about it. He kept saying how sorry he was. I said hey do you know of one person in the medical field who has never made a mistake? He couldn't answer...I said don't worry about it. How else is he supposed to learn than through some of his mistakes? It he was doing something that could of hurt my bear I would have stopped it. But he was harmless, and we were right there. I just hope he got that I was telling him how to do it right, and maybe next time he will listen more to the patient or patients parent. ha ha ha

The doctor came back after an hour and a half and told us everything came back just fine. They gave us a handout of things to look out for and to keep an eye on him. We were sent home with an appointment the next day to have a check up with pediatrics.

Papa Bear took us home and then headed back to work on his bike so we could have the car. I fed baby bear and then had to pump as I never got to this morning and it had been 18 hours since I last pumped. I got 30 oz. ha ha ha ouch!!! After Baby Bear had a nap and then we headed into Buy Buy Baby and to JoAnne's crafts. I bought baby bear a rain maker toy and a ball that squeaks because he was such a good boy and trooper.

So I think I was more of a basket case than baby bear was, and was so worried. I know he was all right, but when it initially happened....I was scared!!!
Hopefully we won't have any other ER visits for a while. lol

XoXo-Andrea Carla

October 17, 2011

Dude...Where's my car?

So this morning I was woken by Papa Bears phone vibrating on his nightstand. It turned out to be his work calling....... He had to head in to take care of 3 Marines who seemed to have got themselves into some trouble. Ughhh go figure.

But it wouldn't take to long. And we had a big family day planned. We really haven't done to much since moving here as a family, and so we had planned to go to a pumpkin patch, go on a hayride, and take some cute pictures. lol We were going to make a day of it. So Papa Bear headed into work, and Baby Bear and Mama Bear had some breakfast.

Afternoon came and went and Papa Bear was still at work. He finally arrived home around 3 p.m. (ish) And told me all about what he was having to deal with all day long. Poor guy.... He had to deal with 3 Marines who were all on restriction who snuck out of the barracks, got smashing drunk, got a DUI, and non of them remember it. Ughhhh

What I don't understand.......is ...........What happened to the Marines who respected the Corps? You know the ones who had a fear of what would happen if they messed up, and so tried their hardest not to mess up. Is this the new corps? If it is.....it is no good. It seems like these young guys don't have a respect for themselves, and the corps like they used to. They don't have a pride of being a Marine. It seems like they feel they are entitled to the respect of being a Marine, but don't feel it goes both ways.
I am willing to bet that because Recruits no longer get the tar scared out of them at boot camp...there is a lack of respect for those who are a higher rank. Also when you used to get into trouble.....you got put on a working party of making big rocks into little rocks with a sledge hammer. Guys were afraid to be put on these and so tried not to get into trouble. But now they did away with that and so no one cares if they get into trouble.....There is no fear.....and no respect.

So the 3 bears headed to Home Depot to pick up some supplies, when Papa Bear got the call that he had to pick up one of those Marines now from the jail because he somehow posted bail. It would have taken Papa Bear and hour to run us home drop us off and then head back into town to pick up this kid. So we all went along for the ride. Baby Bear had his first visit to a jail.... (actually we sat in the car and did not go in, but it sounds funnier that way) I was hoping that he would be a little older for this....but alas.... lol

We picked up the kid and took him to the barracks on base. Because he was on a military hold, and who knows where his car was any ways...Now a normal person who is sorry for what they did....and is sorry for the problems they cause....and is sorry for making his Ssgt work all day on his day off.....would apologize to his Ssgt, and maybe his family for his stupidity.... But this kid did not care at all. He was in no way remorseful.....and.....seemed to think that none of it was his fault! Ughhhh one of those people that are never to blame. So we took him on base and Baby Bear and I waited on this little punk for 3 hours! Then we got to take him to another part of base because his unit was mad that this was his 3rd strike and really didn't want him any more!!! So by the time we finally got home......it was 10 p.m. Poor Baby Bear had missed his late lunch snack, dinner, and his bottle for bed. But he had been such a sweet and good baby bear the entire time. I had some crackers, fish, little things for snacks that he ate...

So that was our fun filled family day. lol We sure know how to have fun right?!!! lol

October 16, 2011

Sunday's Shenanigans

1-I LOVE that you love hearing music

2-I LOVE watching you play with your little people fire engine

3-I LOVE how your toes are so interesting to you

4-I LOVE watching you pull yourself up to play on your Harley rocking bike

5-I LOVE that you are such a flirt...although I worry about when you get older. ha ha ha

XoXo-Andrea Carla

P.S.- Mama Bear Loves You!!

October 15, 2011

The Fight from Within

So today I joined Weight Watchers again. I did it while Papa Bear was deployed back in 2007, and I did great with it. I dropped a lot of weight. But once Papa Bear came home.....He was not into my style of eating and such. So I stopped going. I really didn't gain it back until we moved up by San Fran and I stopped working.....then I got Pregnant with my Baby Bear....and was sick the entire time and so pretty much stayed in bed and got UBER fat. You know I don't like the word fat....let's just say Chunky...yah I am a chunky butt!! ha ha ha ha
But I figured if I put my biggest embarrassment out in the open for all to see.....Then I am really going to have more of a motivation to continue and reach the goals I have set for myself. The ultimate goal is to get to a Healthy Weight. I am not sure what my current weight is right now...but I know it is embarrassingly high. We will say 245 for now. I could be lower or higher...I am not sure. My first meeting is on Thursday. I am excited to go. I wish I could go before then....but alas that is the soonest meeting. I will know my real numbers at that time. My goal is somewhere between 135-155 I think that is a healthy weight for me. I would like to drop between 10-15lbs. by the end of the year. But I really would like to be 20 lbs. lighter by the end of the year. Alas I need to keep my goals realistic though. We will see how I do. ;0)
I used to be so stinking skinny. Granted I was about 20 at my skinniest....and it is 11 years later now. But.....I hate the person I am. I used to be so confident and vibrant. Now I hide. I used to be able to go into a room and join in anything that was going on. Now I try to blend into the wall. I hear how everyone makes fun of the fat girl. And if you have ever been around Marines....they are not kind to the fat girl. Not all Marines are like that...But it hurts knowing that where ever I go I am looked over by everyone and judged as the fat girl. I no longer am judged as the fun pretty girl, the girl who loves books, horses, and dancing. The girl who loves the outdoors. I fall only into one category..... THE FAT GIRL and I hate it. It is depressing, tiring, and has broken down my soul.
I want to be able to run around with Baby Bear, and not be so tired. I want to be able to take him places and not get so hot and tired. I want to be able to run with him on the playground and keep up (to a certain point). I never want his friends to make fun of me to him. I want him to look up to me and respect me. And I never want him to be embarrassed of me.
I hate going to functions in the Marine Corps....because I am always the fat wife. I feel like I embarrass my husband, disappoint him, and do not live up to the Military Wife he needs, deserves, and I should be to support him as a Ssgt.
So I might sound a little hard on myself...but that is how I feel. I mean I danced Ballet for 13 years.....I did Drill Team, and Cheerleading. I was cute and skinny. I know that person is still in me somewhere...I just need a little extra help to bring her back out of this titanium tight shell she has trapped herself in. She is in there I know it...Because when I dream....its her that is in my dream...not the current me.
So here it is....all my naked truths laid out in the open for the world to see.
Yes I am going to do something about it....
I AM doing something about it.
So I will keep you updated with hopefully weekly updates (time permitting) about how I am doing, what I am doing, and where my inner me is. Feel free to leave comments, encouragement...or heck keep me in check. ;0) those posts that are only about my weight...will be titled The Fight from Within.
XoXo-Andrea Carla

October 9, 2011

Sunday's Shenanigans

1-I LOVE that you can pull yourself up on the furniture like such a pro

2-I LOVE that you have learned how to crawl on your hands and knees

3-I LOVE that you will sleep for hours in your Papa Bear's arms

4-I LOVE you from your head to your toes

5-I LOVE that no matter what......I will ALWAYS LOVE you!!

XoXo-Andrea Carla

P.S.- Mama Bear Loves You!!

October 6, 2011

The seasons they are a changin!

Insanity!!!! Last week it was so hot I had the Air Conditioning on, and this week I have the heater on. Not sure how I feel about this, but hey it's happening. lol

Yesterday it poured rain all day. It was pretty cold, but it was fun to cuddle up with Baby Bear. We played a whole lot, and cuddled since his teeth were bugging him. We cleaned in his room and in the house.

He has been so amazing lately. I can't believe all the changes he is making. And my baby is getting so big. Granted he is still tiny and in 0-3 month clothing.....but he is making so many changes. He knows which toys are his favorites, and loves to try new things. Yesterday he discovered my box full of colorful markers and played with them for a long time. lol He loved getting each and every one out of the box. lol

Lately Baby Bear has been fighting with Papa Bear at night. He will be tired and wanting to sleep, but as soon as Papa Bear takes him into his room to sleep he throws a fit! He cries and gets all sorts of upset....Poor Papa Bear has tried and tried....but alas Baby Bear has been pretty demanding in that he only wants Mama Bear to put him to sleep. It is frustrating. We are going to try some other things that will hopefully work. He doesn't have a problem with Papa Bear, just a major preference in who puts him to bed. lol And it isn't naps, he will fall asleep with Papa Bear during the day....it's just night time. lol

Baby Bear is getting super good at pulling himself up on the furniture. Yesterday he figured out how to pull himself up to the second lever on the entertainment center which houses the Blue Ray player.....Yah we put a stop to that pretty fast. ha ha ha We put up a barrier so that hopefully he can't get to it. And we will be figuring out something different soon to do with the entertainment center. Because now he can reach the Receiver, and the Blue Ray. Soon he will be able to reach the t.v. box. lol

Three times this week I have been taking a meal to someone in the ward. She had a surgery and so has been slow to recover. She has two super cute twins. A boy and a girl who I think are 12. It has been nice just cooking double meals so that I have enough for my family, and I can freeze some as well. ;0) I have one more meal to fix tonight and haven't decided what to make them yet, but it will be yummy. lol

I have felt in a rut recently as I feel the house isn't fully put together yet. I just want it finished!! There isn't that much left to do, but I still haven't found some things, and need to. One thing I haven't found yet is an impression of Riley's hand and foot print from when he was a month old. I have found everything else that was around it in his room....but for some reason His prints weren't with any of it. I am guessing it is somewhere in the garage....but I need to find it. Those prints really mean a lot to me.

Baby Bear talks a lot now. He babbles about everything it is so cute. He watches Sesame Street every day while I pump and he loves Elmo!! ha ha ha ha He loves when I toss the ball to him, and he tries to catch it. He has been pretty amazing lately. I know every mom says that.....but I am so in love with my little man. I love watching him sleep. When he laughs in his sleep it is just so cute. It melts my heart. But last night he must have had a bad dream or something...he was still asleep and cried and cried......My poor baby I felt so bad. I picked him up and sang to him and rocked him. After a little while he stopped crying and was okay. But still I felt so bad for my little man.
The other night I was putting dishes away while Papa Bear was feeding baby bear dinner and baby bear noticed reflections for the first time. He was watching my reflection in the big sliding glass door and watched me walking back and forth in the kitchen. I walked up behind him talking and waving to him in the window while he watched. I then fluttered my fingers down to his head and that was a bad idea.......My poor baby bear cried and cried....it scared him so bad!! I felt bad. i I tried to reassure him that it was okay but he wasn't convinced. My poor little guy.

Lately I have been wanting to snuggle with my little man. He is always on the move and so that does not leave much time for snuggles. So when I put him down for a nap I wanted to snuggle. But I figured I should go take a nap myself and if I bring him we probably won't get much sleep. Well I got him to sleep and then crawled into my bed. Harley crawled under the covers and to the bottom of the bed (his spot) and I rolled over for a nap. I was playing solitaire trying to wind down when Baby bear started to wake after just 20 minutes. So I caved and went into his room scooped him out of his crib (still sleeping) and climbed into my bed where we took an amazing 2.5 hour nap snuggling together. Nothing is better than having my little man cuddled in my arms. He woke up happy and not cranky, and after he was really awake....he ate a huge lunchy munchy!
Yesterday he caught his first spider......and after searching on the net we found out it is a garden orb weaver. yuck! This thing is bigger than a silver dollar, and strikes at you with his front legs!! I hate spiders and after searching through hundreds of pictures of the creepy crawlers I am sure I will have nightmares. lol

Well that is all for now. Here are some fun pics for you
XoXo-Andrea Carla

October 2, 2011

Sunday's Shenanigans

1- I LOVE all the silly faces you make

2- I LOVE LOVE LOVE being your Mama Bear

3- I LOVE watching you low crawl across the floor

4- I LOVE that you try so hard to be such a big boy

5- I LOVE our snuggle time

X0X0-Andrea Carla

P.S.- Mama Bear loves you!!