January 21, 2013

Would it be good for me?

So I have been thinking lately. I want to have a career. Now I don't mean let someone else raise my children kind of thing, and I am not sure I would actively work. But I think I want something to really be able to fall back on.

   I have thought and thought and thought, and what I think I would really enjoy is to become a lactation consultant. Now I really love my Scentsy business, and I do not plan on stopping that. But with the military moving us every few years, and it's  not like my little bear is going to stay little forever.....So I would like to be able to do something while he is in school someday. And in order to do that I need to get things like schooling and training out of the way now so that I can work when I want to later.

Now I know lots of people opened up a few cans of venom at me when I blogged about women doing nurse-in's. And my opinion still has not changed on the subject. I don't agree with nurse-ins. I think they are a waste of time and spread the wrong kind of feeling and point. Now I do agree that women should be able to nurse in public. And I do think they should be able to do so with a cover. I am not saying they have to cover but with enough creepy people out in the world today. Just cover up that special moment between you and your baby and don't let the perverts and creeps in the world intrude on that moment.  I once heard someone say that seeing a woman's fully exposed breast while nursing was like a train wreck they just couldn't not look at it and stare. Now to me that made that person sound like a dork. But none the less that is what I am talking about. I would personally not like that weirdo looking at me. Women should not have to nurse in a bathroom, but man it sure is nice when a business provides a nursing area for Mama's to be able to kick off their shoes, lean back, relax and rest while Baby gets a little snacky snack.  Now that is in the world where you only have one child as well. Because little bobby isn't going to allow for some quiet me time while nursing janey. lol  Oh the joys of motherhood. ha  ha ha ha  

But back to the real topic. I want to help the Mama who has a hard time trying to nurse their little. I want to help both Mama and baby get that connection. Or even for the seasoned Mama who nursed all her other kids and for some reason this new little won't latch. I want to be able to help her.

So here is to my journey of figuring out what I need to do, what needs to happen, and getting the ball rolling.

XoXo- Mama Bear

January 12, 2013

Real Drops of Awesome!

So the other day I came across a blog from a friend, and it was amazing. So I commented on it HERE

Well as many of you might have caught on last year was really crap-tastic. Meaning it was fantastically crap. lol I struggled with many things in my life, and depression took a hold of me.  I found a great book that started to help, and got some more help along the way. And so it was great after so long of a dark year to be able find good things again.

My Dear Friend S whom I just love bought me a jar the other day and mini pony beads so I can put drops of awesome in my own jar. I laughed when she gave it to me. It was so sweet and cute and loving. I thought it was silly. But after such a sweet gift was given I had to give it a try.

So today I used my jar and filled it with my own drops of awesome. And I have to say is it was super fun to find reasons to put some Awesome in my jar.

So I will show you a picture of my jar and all my drops of Awesome as soon as I can upload it.

XoXo-Mama Bear

January 5, 2013

Drops of Awesome!

Yesterday a friend of mine posted a link to a blog. The title was drops of awesome. I admire this friend a lot and the fact that she has had a few kids, and still looks amazingly beautiful makes me admire her even more.

But back to the blog.....She had stated that she had needed to read it yesterday. Well As I read it, I had needed to read it as well.  So here is Drops of Awesome:

Drops of Awesome 

This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. How many 12-year-old boys do you see swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.

How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did.  The link is embedded in the blue title Drops of Awesome.  I can't say any more, except she was able to say things pretty much how I have felt several times.

XoXo-Mama Bear
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.

January 2, 2013

A new year, a new me!!

This year so many changes are going to take place. So here are a few:

1- I VOW not to take crap from anyone anymore. If you get offended by this it is not meant to hurt you, it is meant to protect me and help me.

2- I VOW to stand up for myself.

3- I VOW to craft more

4- I VOW to lose some weight.

5- I VOW to get my home cleaner than it is now.

6- I VOW to de-clutter every inch of this house, and when I am done....I will start again and get rid of more junk!!

7- I VOW to take my son to the Zoo or Wild Animal Park MONTHLY!

8- I VOW to hit up DisneyLand or CA either every month or every other month.

9- I VOW to go to the park a few times a month with my son!

10- I VOW I will join weight watchers again and do better than I did last time.

11- I VOW I will find my self confidence again and OWN it!!

That is all for now, but I am working on more.

XoXo- Mama Bear