January 3, 2012

Bullies. “their not even human”

Here is another great post from Single Dad Laughing

Bullies. “their not even human”

I won’t lie. My heart has broken many times over since last week’s post on bullying. Hundreds of stories have been shared, thousands of comments posted, and many beautiful changes are already being made in our homes and in our schools. For that, I am in a constant state of sincere gratitude. Thank you.
Today though, I wish to take a step back, and look at a small handful of the responses that have been shared. These words have broken my heart in a much different way, for I believe they show the very problem that we cause for ourselves and for our children when we choose to battle this pandemic with hatred and anger instead of with kind voices or soft hands.
The following messages are from parents, unedited.
“Dan, I can not bring myself to love the child who is making every attempt to destroy mine. I would be lying if I told you I could do it. I want him to suffer as much as he has made my child suffer. I know you think it is wrong, but I want to see justice, and I want to see this kid feel what it’s like to be hated and hurt.”

“Your words made me cry until I got to the part about loving the bullies. They don’t deserve love, they aren’t hurting. Some people just love to be mean and some people just love power. I will not love the bullies because they don’t deserve my love, and I definitely will not teach my daughter to love the bullies.”

“do you really expect people to buy this? bullies are beyond feeling and they deserve to be hated and punished because that is exactly what they have done to the kids they are bullying.”
And finally, from an anonymous sender,
“I wish nothing more than the bullying problem to end because of your essay. It is rediculous and has to be stopped but you can not put you’re arm around a bully cause they have no feelings. I knkow this from experience when I was young. You need to stop preaching love and peace and instead talk about a real solution like teaching your kid how to hurt the bully back or even better how an entire group can gang up on a bully. Screw the bullies feelings, their not even human.”
Stop, and read that last sentence again.
“their not even human.”
When I received each of the first three messages, my heart was broken. When I received that last message, it was crushed.
“their not even human.”
I don’t even know how to respond to that statement besides to cry. I don’t need to respond to that statement. It’s a declaration that stands taller than darkness itself, proving the very cancer that is taking over our society.
“their not even human.”
We are talking about our children here. We are talking about a portion of the population who thinks that getting asked to the next dance is the only thing that matters in life. We are talking about beautiful souls. And yes, they have done unbeautiful things, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are beautiful.
They are real.
Somebody tell me. How and when did so many of us gain this divine ability to walk on water? How have so many of us forgotten how beautifully imperfect and broken we each are? When did our “Perfection” reach such “perfect” levels that we were suddenly “perfect” enough to hate and destroy a child?
How does it make any sense that as we each work endlessly to paint over the darkest corners of our own lives, we simultaneously cannot bring ourselves to hand a paint brush to another hurting person?
Oh yeah. It’s because “their not even human”.

It does not matter what these children have done. We must love them. I am pleading with you to love these children. I could give my everything to tell you why that’s so important. But, I think that again, I will turn to words that have been shared just yesterday in the comments of the bullying post. These words are not from parents, and they are not from the bullied. These words are from the bully himself, and are more powerful than anything I could write today.
“hi, i am 14 years old and i read your whole writing about bullies and i want to tell you right now that its hard to say but i am a bully. i am reading youre story and it hit me so hard because i thought what i do was so funny and now i can see the pain i am causing to others, specialy to a guy named ______ at my school htat i have been real mean too for years. i am going to do some thing good for once and tomroorw i am going to say that i am sorry and promise never do it again. it is going to be hard but you make me see i have to do it. i think your so right about a lot of things. but one thing your the most right about is that i wish more then anything for some body at school to really like me to. i have a mom and dad who arent mean or any thing but at school nobody cares and nobody will ever even talk to me. i think i am a bully because it makes me feel like theres a reason nobody cares or even knows i exsist and thats hard to say but mabee its true.
i just dont know how to stop it til i read your writing and now it is some thing i have to do and i promise i will do it because i am tired of it to. i am tired of people hating me and its because of what i am doing now i know that. i need some good friends and mabee by stopping some one will be my friedn at school. thank you for what you say here. i hope some day i can do some thing big and be a good person and when i read your writing i see you believe it so thank you because thats some thing i need to here right now.”
“their not even human.”
I am hurting so much right now. If this 14-year-old child can get beneath his pride long enough to make a change, why can’t we? Why can’t we let go of the past and focus only on the future? Why can’t we look at every other human being and simply see worth?
Put your arms around the bullies. Please. They are just as valuable as you or me.
I agree, there are extremes when the bullying goes beyond its definition and becomes criminal. There are times when a child has problems due to mental or social disorders. Those situations need to be dealt with in their own way and with the proper authorities. But we’re not talking about those extremes. What I am discussing is every day, common, hurtful bullying, and how we can put a stop to it.
We must love the bullies.
I can promise you this. There is not a person on earth who would rather receive harsh words and pointed attacks instead of statements of true concern and affirmation. Think about it.
Telling a person that he is stupid will never arouse him to harness his true potential. Telling him he is intelligent will.
Telling a person that she is fat will never motivate her to lose weight out of love for herself. Telling her she is beautiful will.
Telling a person that she is weak and powerless will never allow her to behave with valiancy. Telling her she is strong will.
Telling a bully that he has no feelings and is nothing but a mean, angry person, will never stop his bullying. Believing in him will.
Loving him will.
Please. Tell me you don’t believe “their not even human”. Please tell me you don’t.
And if you don’t, stand up and tell the world you don’t.
I can only hope and pray that today’s message is clear enough and effective enough to prompt you to share this the way you did the last one. If we are to invoke change, it must be backed with numbers.
Last week’s post has already been viewed by almost half a million people. Many dozens of school officials have written in to ask permission to implement the post into their teaching or their anti-bullying programs. Many teachers have already sat down with their classes and read it with their students. Many have told me of the healing tears that entire classrooms have shed. There have been many beautiful stories. Change is already happening. Please put the same priority on today’s message.
Love must happen, because mowing the bully over is not the answer. You know it’s not. I know it’s not. So do something about it. Post this on Facebook and Twitter. Link to it. Believe in it. Make sure that the message of love is a thousand times more powerful than any message of hate.

And then, maybe. Just maybe. We will start to see a permanent and beautiful change start settling into our schools.
I believe.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

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And, to all of you in in our education system… please feel free to use these works in your endeavors to better the situations in your schools. While properly citing a work’s origin is always a must, consider this your official permission to use it at your discretion in your schools and programs.


  1. No way! I refuse to love bullies becuase of what they've done.

    If you ask me, you're a black-and-white thinking goody-goody pacifist who thinks that making peace with bullies always helps the problem.

    Are you freakin' kidding me that we should give into bullies? Pathetic!

    Trying to make peace with bullies wil lmake them take advantage of you.

    If you ask me, pacifism is a naive, hypocritical, and self-righteous ideal that's well-meaning on the outside but improper on the inside. In other words, it's just an excuse for people to take advantage of others.

    If you want to love bullies, thats' your problem. But don't expect others to love bullies if they don't want to. They can hate them all they want.

    After all, hatred is a human right. Sure, it can be taken too far. But soemtimes, hate is necessary.

  2. Here is my response: http://combatbootsanpointeshoes.blogspot.com/2012/02/bullies-their-not-even-human-part-2.html