June 20, 2010

You are what?......Pregnant?

So I have been dying to blog about this for a while....but I had to keep this quiet for a little bit.

Soooooo I am finally pregnant!!! I am so excited and scared at the same time! ha ha I mean I have been married for almost 10 years and have been waiting to start a family for so long. But with Chuck deploying so much and everything that has gone on with his parents......He changed his mind. He decided that he didn't want to mess up like his parents did. I was devastated that he changed his mind. But what is a girl to do? So I tried to figure out what to do wit myself. I tried several jobs that I loved, but didn't seem to be that great at. And as the years passed, I tried to change my mind about having kids. I tried to convince myself that I would be fine without kids, and that we could still have a happy family. I think as much as I lied to myself it didn't matter....I just didn't feel it. I wanted a family...a few kids....and some happy memories. But alas I couldn't convince my husband that it would be a good thing.

So the years passed and my friends were all having kids. My sister has this perfect happy little family that is so beautiful. And it just pained me that I would never have that. Her kids are so loved and spoiled by both sides of their family. And I know that my kids would never have that. His parents are concerned only with themselves....and mine live so far away. But I guess that means that when they do get spoiled....it will have to be lots and lots!! lol

I have so many mixed feelings about this, but I can't wait to finally hold that baby. I am so scared that I will be a bad mom. I am scared that something might be wrong with my baby and I won't be able to help him enough. I am afraid that I will go to my first OB appointment and they won't find a heartbeat. I am scared that I won't be able to carry the baby full term because I have already had 2 miss-carriages.

I am sure that I am having normal feelings for being a first time crazy pregnant lady...But it doesn't mean that I am still not scared.

So On mothers day this year I was pregnant and didn't even know it. Chuck had left for work in Norway for a week, I had been invited but couldn't fork out the $2,000 for a plane ticket.

The week Chuck came home, he had to go to Camp Roberts near Paso Robles. He was training the reservists for their weekend drill. They were going to go to the gas chamber, and practice working with their heavy equipment. I have always wanted to go to the gas chamber, and so chucked talked to some people and got the o.k. for me to go. I know it sounds crazy, but the Marine Corps demands that us wives understand everything our husbands do, and support them no matter what. Well that can be very challenging sometimes. So when I have an opportunity to experience something that he does, I jump on it. It helps me better understand the world he lives in.

So I called my Aunt and Uncle and asked if the dogs and I could stay with them for the weekend. They said sure, and so the next day I packed up and drove the three hours to my favorite place in the world. Paso Robles is so wonderful. It is peaceful, and beautiful. I feel so comfortable and relaxed. The next day I went to the base and found out the Cpt. changed his mind or something. ;0( So I drove back to my Aunt and Uncle's and hung out there. I wasn't feeling that great anyways, and I was supposed to be get mother natures gift that day and for some reason I had allergies. I never have allergies. So I was a bum and didn't do to much.

My weekend stay turned into a week long visit because the trucks that were to pick up all of the gear after the drill didn't show up. But we got to spend time with my Aunt and Uncle, and it was great!! I started to come under the weather while I was there, but tried not to let it get me down. One day I was so tired, and even though I slept all night, I couldn't help but sleep all day. It was very weird. Then the next day I couldn't stand smells. I thought I was pregnant, but wasn't sure. Chuck wouldn't let me buy a pregnancy test. He kept telling me that we should wait a few more weeks just to be sure so we don't waste money on a test.

Well I waited and waited, and my pants were a little uncomfortable to wear. When Chuck and I got home we had no food. So the next day we ran to the grocery store to get some grub. When we were almost done Chuck had realised that he had forgotten his wallet. So he told me to walk around for a while and he would run to get it and be right back. So as soon as he left, I headed straight for the isle with the tests and hid one in the cart. Then when we went to the check out stand I put it on the counter and hid it under some things. muah ha ha ha ha

When we got home, I grabbed the bag with he test and ran down the hall to take it. I took the test and then set it on the counter to wait. I have taken so many tests over the years and always felt so broken and sad when they were negative. I was afraid it would happen again. I left the bathroom and laid on the bed. Chuck came in and gave me that look. He asked if I had bought a test and took it. I laughed and said yes. He went in to see the results and came out and told me I wasn't prego. I sat up and was so surprised. What?!! Then he laughed and said just kidding you are. We hugged and that was that!

I'm Pregnant!!!! I am so excited!!!

XoXo-Andrea Carla

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