September 25, 2012

Failing & Directionally Challenged!

Yeserday Mama, Papa, and Baby Bears headed to San Diego to Balboa Hospital for Baby Bears appointment with a Geneticist. I drove most of the way before pushing the OnStar button and asking for directions to the Hospital since I am so directionally challenged that it doesn't matter how many times I have been....I can never find it again. Yah I know I am lame!

So we asked OnStar to find it......Big surprise they couldn't locate it for me. So we googled the addy and then called OnStar back and gave it to them so they could send us the directions. Well it sent us all over and we got a little lost. I am not a fan of the New OnStar in this car.  It is not reliable at all. It shows you the upcoming exits, but you can't see what you are supposed to take, so you end up taking the wrong one. Grrrrrrr  So given the wrong directions, the inability to read the directions correctly, and my directionally challenged self.....we were doomed from the beginning!! ;0(

We finally got to Balboa and parked with seconds to spare. Luckily we did not miss the appointment.

Baby Bear got weighed in, and the scale said 18lbs. but that was with his clothes and diaper on. So he is still 17lbs.  We went into his appointment and it was so funny all Baby Bear wanted to do was play in the sink. lol So while we talked to the Dr. Baby Bear splashed in the sink. ha ha ha Finally we had to turn the water off because the Bear and I were getting soaked! lol

Once again the Dr. said she couldn't find anything wrong with the bear that would send up red flags. She said we could do tests that take an x-ray of his bones to see the growth and calcium build up on them and see if his bones are aging at the rate they are supposed to or if they are behind.  We can stick a scope up his nose into his tum tum.....And some other things like that. But she said it would only help us by saying Aha he is good or Hmmmm let's do a bunch of other tests. I said no to this. Unless she thinks that it is necessary then no. I am no longer subjecting my son to random tests. He isn't a Ginny pig.

The other thing she said we need to start preparing for is a feeding tube on my Bear. She said we don't have a lot of time left before his not eating well will start to affect his brain. Hearing that hurt. I hate the idea of a feeding tube in my bear. and the thought of going at this alone all day is scary. I know that this might be what is best for my son, but the thought of it is sooo scary. And adding this on top of his Failure to Thrive, and all the stress and anxiety I have been feeling is a lot to deal with.

I need to research this a lot more before we make a decision. But It makes me feel horrid that my sweet little boy has to have a feeding tube put in. I want to protect him from pain and here I'll be causing it. Yes I know it will benefit him in the end, but it doesn't change the fact that  feel like I am betraying him in the trust area. I know it is what's best, and he can't understand that. But It doesn't change the fact that I feel horrible about it. 

I didn't think my heart could feel any heavier with sadness. But apparently it can.

I feel like I have completely failed my Bear. This sweet, Innocent, and amazing little man who relies on me to take care of him is now needing to have something extreme done to him because I cannot seem to do what every other normal parent in the world can do. :0( Epic Parent fail!!

So that is all for now. I need to go take the Bear to his speech therapy appointment now.

XoXo-Mama Bear

1 comment:

  1. Oh I know how hard it is to hear your baby is in the 0% of anything. Ty is in the 0% in just about all areas of development except weight. You do feel like a failure, but something is going on in these little guys bodies that sometimes is beyond what we can do. considering all the love and time you put into my little one, I can only imagine what an awesome mom you must be for Riley. It takes your heart out to have to think of them going through yucky stuff. Sorry for your tough day. I worked mainly with tube feedings (in adults not kids) in my profession so ask me anything you need!