February 25, 2011

Walking Zombie here.

Sorry I haven't blogged this week really. I have been so tired, that it has left little time for other things.

This week Riley has decided that napping during the day isn't as big a deal as I do. He will sleep for a few minutes, but then he is awake shortly after. So the precious time that I do have alone has been divided between cleaning and trying to nap. I say trying because when Riley falls asleep, and I lay down to sleep....he wakes up right as I am dozing off. And it feels so cruel to have to get right back up when I am in that Mmmmm warm sleepy state. So I really have given up on naps this week. Since I have done so.....it has made for one sleepy mommy. For example just the other day I finally got Riley down for a nap. I needed to pump and that takes about half an hour. So I got some pumping time in and knew that I wouldn't have much time left for a nap. So I opted for a shower since it had been 2 days and counting since my last one. (hey don't judge) I started the shower and set the Summer Infant video monitor on the bathroom sink so I could see Riley, and then see the lights flash if he cried. I put my shower chair in the shower as well and climbed on in. I was probably enjoying my shower to much and Riley picked up on that. I bathed, brushed my teethies, and once I got soap in my hair and it was all lathered up......Riley wakes up and starts to cry. So I roll my eyes and accept the fate of my shower. I tried to rinse the soap out of my hair as quickly as possible, but my hair is so thick it takes forever. I was rinsing and rinsing and brushing at the same time to get the tangles out, but Riley was starting that silent screaming thing which means he is mega mad and he ends up swallowing air and it gives him worse gas. So I jumped out of the shower, wrapped my hair up and dried off. I ran in to rescue my poor boy from exploding with rage. After my hair dried and such.....I realised that I still had soap in it! Awesome!!! Normally I still find traces of soap in my hair because it is so thick it's hard to rinse out. But normally I don't find this much. It just means that I will need another shower real soon I guess. lol

This week my poor boy has had really bad gas. I am sure if he knew I was telling the world about his flatulence problem he would be incredibly embarrassed. But I need help. What is causing this. I mean he cries and cries until he can get it out. I feel so bad because it is very obvious that it is hurting his poor little tum tum. And is it normal for babies to poop every other day? All he is getting is Authentic mommy milk. So what is causing it? I feel so bad. When he frowns while crying and pouts....I turn to mush. His little quivering lower lip does me in. It's so cute, and I feel bad that my little man is sad.

Riley finally healed up from the big snip snip. The Dr. that everyone raved about who did it, didn't get the string tight enough on there, so it didn't heal right, and then it was having issues falling off, and so we had to go in for more snip sniping. poor little guy. But all is good in that department now. I think next week we go back in for Riley's six week check up and shots. I am not going to like this, and my poor boy isn't going to either I am sure. When he was in the NICU and he had 7 shots in a row he didn't cry at all. But I am not sure if he will be able to pull it off this time.

I am loving being a mommy. I may be smelly from a lack of showering, awnry from lack of sleep, and look frazzled from a lack of pampering and doing my hair. But watching his little faces as he sleeps is so fun. I love seeing all the new little faces he makes, or when he discovers there is something cool to look at and his eyes get really big. He has learned to recognize Chuck's voice so when he comes home from work and says something Riley will turn his head toward the sound of his voice now. Those two seem to have a good bond. Each night Chuck feeds Riley and puts him to bed. It's kind of like their little guy time. Sometimes they watch t.v. or play a game together. It is pretty cute.

I have been struggling with my feelings lately about Riley. I love him more than anything, and I am so thankful that I had him and that he is healthy and strong. But I don't feel he is mine. Like I thought I would have such a feeling of accomplishment when I had him, and a feeling of wow....look....I made that. But since I didn't see him after I had him for so long.....I never got those feelings. It has been kind of hard. I mean it was 9 months of anticipation, and feeling him kick. And then I had surgery and it was gone and a few days later I took a baby home. It's weird. I am not ungrateful at all. I just feel a little loss as I did not get to feel that ans was looking forward to it and almost counting on it to start that bond process. I don't know.

Well it sounds like my little man is waking up from his nap and I am almost done pumping now. So my luxury me time is now over.

XoXo-Andrea Carla

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